Having had been in 4 relationships with men that drank in various ways,(yes you would think i would have learned after the first one or two?)
I should say be to very wary.
I have been with the the must get drunk on the weekend, the just a few every day. as well as the one that drinks till there is no more drink or I cant stand up anymore.
If they HAVE TO have a drink, then there is a problem.
Not only is there a problem with alcohol, but also other problems that they cant cope with, and th more...
Having had been in 4 relationships with men that drank in various ways,(yes you would think i would have learned after the first one or two?)
I should say be to very wary.
I have been with the the must get drunk on the weekend, the just a few every day. as well as the one that drinks till there is no more drink or I cant stand up anymore.
If they HAVE TO have a drink, then there is a problem.
Not only is there a problem with alcohol, but also other problems that they cant cope with, and they use alcohol to help them manage.
I foolishly thought that I could help, change that, but now know better.
Good luck to you on what you decide to do here, but do go ahead with with your eyes open. xxx less...
Well, a couple of things. How is he when he is drinking? Is he the same? Do you still want to be around him?
Usually when you are with a drinker, you either get tired of it, (the smell, just the fact that they have to drink at all), or you start drinking with them.
Quoting: Originally posted by ariesram Hi Aimeefla.
Back in the days when i was a biker,we would go out at weekends,and it got to a point where i could down 14 pints a night (Friday & Saturday only),but had no need for a drink during the we...
Hi Ariesram,
Thanks for the insight. We don't live together, we're together only on the weekends. He's not hiding anything from me, in fact we've had that heart to heart talk. He knows I'm not comfortable with his habit. It might not be excessiv more...
Quoting: Originally posted by ariesram Hi Aimeefla.
Back in the days when i was a biker,we would go out at weekends,and it got to a point where i could down 14 pints a night (Friday & Saturday only),but had no need for a drink during the week.
I didn't have a drink problem,as i would only drink at the weekends,and didn't down 14 pints EVERY weekend. But i did notice the more i went out with the boys,the more i would drink. My mates,who had beed drinking more years than me,were always on the super strong lagers/beers.It seemed to me,the longer they had been drinking through the years,the more they HAD to drink,to get the same 'buzz' as they did when they used to only have about 4 beere a night. If your man has the 'shakes' in the morning,after a few beers,then there COULD be a problem.6-8 bottles in a night,is ok,so long as it aint EVERY night. If it's every night,then i think you need to sit him down, and tell him, his drinking bothers you. A heart 2 heart chat,with a few hugs & kisses thrown in, can't hurt.
Buterbll will know more about this subject than me,but do you think your man has started hiding his bottles/cans of drink around his home? It does happen!
Ariesram.xx
Hi Ariesram,
Thanks for the insight. We don't live together, we're together only on the weekends. He's not hiding anything from me, in fact we've had that heart to heart talk. He knows I'm not comfortable with his habit. It might not be excessive at all, but in my world it is. That being said, this is my only reservation in our relationship thus far. We've known each other for just over two months now. I don't know what his drinking habits are during the week. I never even thought to ask. I know we talk on the phone every night. Sometimes we cam - I don't see him drinking while on cam. That's only for an hour or so though.
If we ever discuss something more permanent it would create the necessity of a compromise and I'd have to see proof positive that he would keep his bargin. He would also understand that if it changed so would the arrangement.
Hi Aimee ... I don't think you overreacted; I think you have your eyes open and are willing to see what the situation is. That's great.
I don't really have the right to judge when I don't know him or the truth of it, but my protective instincts kicked in when I read your post. I have the same experience as bb (and I hope he won't mind if I call him that) so I didn't want to see you hurt.
He has an excellent job, he's a 22 year navy vet/navy band Yes I hear it now, a gal in every port - a gal at every gig.
He's not traveling anymore and not in a band now. I have heard the band/Navy stories. He said he would respect anytime I say "give me the keys" and I told him that he would be driving home, once sober enough and not returning if it ever came to that - no second chance.
He has an excellent job, he's a 22 year navy vet/navy band Yes I hear it now, a gal in every port - a gal at every gig.
He's not traveling anymore and not in a band now. I have heard the band/Navy stories. He said he would respect anytime I say "give me the keys" and I told him that he would be driving home, once sober enough and not returning if it ever came to that - no second chance.
I'm going to pay more attention this weekend to the number he drinks. I have 6 bottles in the fridge, I think that should last the weekend, my terms. I will venture a guess he buys more before the weekend is over.
All of the questions you asked,
1. Can he spend the day with you and not drink, or does he avoid activities and situations that don't allow him access to alcohol?
1A: no clue he?s never tried
2. Do his stories include references to beer or the funny/ tragic situations that happen to him/his friends (when drinking)?
2A: Not, not many of them ? the old Navy stories are not centered around the drinking.
3. Does he have more than a couple friends?
3A: I?ve not met his friends we live a few hours apart.
4. Does he cancel or change plans repeatedly and seem like someone who has way more stuff go wrong in his life than other people?
4A: Never changes plans ? we are just getting to the point about his past and what happened.
5. Are things frequently someone else's fault?
5A: No, he takes responsibility
6. Does his life include trouble with employment, relationships, and financial or legal issues?
6A: No, he?s got a stable job and stable finances from what I can tell.
7. Does he seem immature, exhibit poor problem solving abilities or lack the ability to handle stress without reaching for another beer?
7A: He can handle things without the beer. I?m stressful all by my self !!
Do you think I'm over-reacting?
After reading this I just might be huh?
A few years ago I lost someone I loved to cirrhosis of the liver. He was a severe alcoholic drinking upwards of a 1/2 gallon of whiskey a day sometimes - for years and years. By the time he was 34 his doctors told him that if he did not quit drinking completely, he would die in six months. He quit, for about a year. Started drinking beer again. One a day soon turned into a case a day. He died three April's ago - He was 36 years old.
Doesn't sound like your guy's got this problem. Sounds like more...
A few years ago I lost someone I loved to cirrhosis of the liver. He was a severe alcoholic drinking upwards of a 1/2 gallon of whiskey a day sometimes - for years and years. By the time he was 34 his doctors told him that if he did not quit drinking completely, he would die in six months. He quit, for about a year. Started drinking beer again. One a day soon turned into a case a day. He died three April's ago - He was 36 years old.
Doesn't sound like your guy's got this problem. Sounds like he's unwinding and enjoying himself. If I were you I'd let him (meaning no nagging or overworrying about it) just watch for classic signs of dependence such as popping one first thing in the morning, mood swings when alcohol isn't available, etc. If those things are happening then yes, you have something to worry about.
Should he take better care, maybe cut it down to 4 instead? Probably. Should you express your concerns with him? Yes, ONCE. Observe his reaction, and go with your gut instinct. less...
A few questions you could ask yourself are:
1. Can he spend the day with you and not drink, or does he avoid activities and situations that don't allow him access to alcohol?
2. Do his stories include references to beer or the funny/ tragic situations that happen to him/his friends (when drinking)?
3. Does he have more than a couple friends?
4. Does he cancel or change plans repeatedly and seem like someone who has way more stuff go wrong in his life than other people?
5. Are more...
Hi Aimee,
A few questions you could ask yourself are:
1. Can he spend the day with you and not drink, or does he avoid activities and situations that don't allow him access to alcohol?
2. Do his stories include references to beer or the funny/ tragic situations that happen to him/his friends (when drinking)?
3. Does he have more than a couple friends?
4. Does he cancel or change plans repeatedly and seem like someone who has way more stuff go wrong in his life than other people?
5. Are things frequently someone else's fault?
6. Does his life include trouble with employment, relationships, and financial or legal issues?
7. Does he seem immature, exhibit poor problem solving abilities or lack the ability to handle stress without reaching for another beer?
If I read it right and you really did mean 6-8 beers a day (every day) it's a problem, not a preference. With that much beer in his system on a regular basis he is continuously under the effects of alcohol, to one degree or another. Even if he is employed and his social life is good, his home and inner life are probably not. Consider whether or not you want to do most of the real functioning for the two of you.
I'm sorry to be so brutal. I can practically hear my friends saying, "Jeez, why don't you tell her what you really think?!" less...
